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72 days later

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learn to love, forget to hate, start to live.
sometimes my thoughts and opinions, but mostly that which i find interesting and important along the way.

I don’t want to look like a princess on my wedding day.

I’ve heard a lot of ladies say they want to look like a princess on their wedding day. They want to look prettier than they’ve ever looked before. I’ve also heard a lot of women look back on their wedding day self as their ideal: the hair, the make-up, the outfit, the body, and so on. I see wedding pictures on Facebook and tumblr and living room coffee tables serving as a reminder to those brides what “perfect” looked like.

I want to look like myself. I don’t want the photographer to whiten my teeth when editing. I don’t want to starve myself into my dress so I can forever be unhappy that I’m not in wedding-day shape. I want to be me. I want to be happy. I want it to feel perfect. After all, the most beautiful pictures aren’t the ones photoshopped beyond recognition; they’re the ones capturing the little moments, the happy tears smearing make-up, the overwhelming emotion caught in a still. Those are the memories I want. The beauty of happiness.

In the end, the beauty and fashion industries, certainly including bridal, don’t exist to make us feel beautiful. They exist to tell us we cannot be beautiful without them: the right make-up, the best hair, the prettiest clothes. 

On my wedding day, I will be myself, I will be in love, and I will be beautiful. When my children look at my wedding photos, they won’t see a princess or perfection. They’ll see the beauty of their moms overwhelmed by joy.

— 1 year ago with 12 notes
#beauty  #bridal  #bride  #family  #fashion  #gay wedding  #happy  #joy  #make-up  #marriage  #mom  #perfect  #same-sex marriage  #two brides  #wedding  #wedding day  #engayged  #engaged  #getting married  #bride to be 
"Today, I was talking to my cousin about what she wanted for Christmas. She said ‘I wish for world peace,’ I answered ‘don’t we all…’ She looked at me and said ‘No, if that were true there WOULD be world peace.’ My cousin is 5. I am deeply humbled."
MLIA
— 1 year ago with 2 notes
#human rights  #world peace  #peace  #kids  #kid  #child  #children  #wisdom  #quote  #advice  #christmas  #cousin  #family  #words 
Value Our FamiliesValue Our Families
OP-ED COLUMNIST

Value Our Families

 

In the intensifying debate over same-sex marriage, what I sometimes find hardest to understand is why so many opponents don’t see gay people’s longing to be wedded as the fundamentally conservative, lavishly complimentary desire it is. It says marriage is worth aspiring to and fighting for. Flatters it. Gives it reinvigorated cachet, extra currency, a sorely needed infusion of fresh energy.

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If those seem like odd phrases to attach to what is sometimes called holy matrimony, well, consider the unholy state the institution is in. Around the time last week that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was vetoing a same-sex marriage bill that the Legislature had passed, The Times published a front-page story by Jason DeParle and Sabrina Tavernise reporting that the country had reached an ignoble milestone: more than half of births to American women under 30 happen outside marriage. I doubt that a significant fraction of those babies’ parents are gay men or lesbians forbidden to wed. No doubt the huge majority are straight people who haven’t bothered to.

Those who do bother don’t make such an impressive go of it. Although there’s dispute over the divorce rate in this country, most authorities estimate that between 40 and 50 percent of first marriages won’t last. And practice doesn’t make perfect: the divorce rate apparently rises for second and third unions, like Newt Gingrich’s with Callista, a supposedly pious Roman Catholic woman whose devotion didn’t dissuade her from sleeping with him while he was married to his second wife.

The religiousness of this country’s social conservatives is a selective, capricious, hypocritical thing. Some Catholics who cite church teaching to explain their opposition to same-sex marriage have broods much smaller than they likely would if they let nature have its way. They’re using artificial birth control, which, as we’ve recently been reminded, the church officially rejects, a stance that illuminates just how ludicrous some orthodoxies are.

It’s funny (but, then again, not): in the past, homosexuals were denounced as sexual libertines who brazenly flouted society’s norms. Now many of us are pleading to be yoked to those norms, only to be told by many Americans, including many political leaders, that that’s not O.K. either. The only possible takeaway is that we’re meant to be outliers forevermore, unworthy of the experiences and affirmations accorded others.

Christie’s veto — considered alongside the fervent support for marriage equality that Andrew Cuomo, the New York governor, and Martin O’Malley, the Maryland governor, have shown — provides telling clues about how the issue will shake out politically in coming years.

A Republican with designs on national office has to assume that even in 2016, a gay-friendly record would be a burden in the primaries, which tug moderates far to the right. If Christie fantasizes about a future presidency — or an imminent vice presidency — opposition to marriage equality is probably the safer bet.

But has he risked his chances at a second term in New Jersey, which is more liberal than the nation? Cory Booker, the Newark mayor, who is frequently mentioned as a possible Democratic challenger to Christie next year, explicitly reaffirmed his support for same-sex marriage last week.

I don’t discount the possibility that a measure of conviction informs politicians’ actions. But there’s usually calculation in the mix. Cuomo and O’Malley are rising Democratic stars whose advocacy for same-sex marriage suggests confidence that more Americans are moving in that direction. In polls, large majorities between the ages of 18 and 34 support marriage equality, and when I talk to parents of teenagers, many tell me their children simply don’t understand discrimination against homosexuals. And their children aren’t permissive across the board: many oppose abortion. They’ve grown up with more evocative sonograms than once existed.

By this week’s end, O’Malley may be signing a marriage-equality law in Maryland. The State of Washington just adopted its own. Although either could be overturned by referenda later this year, the legislative momentum is undeniable, and O’Malley’s words of support point an interesting way forward.

He has framed same-sex marriage in part as an attempt to take proper care of children in households headed by two men or two women by making sure their parents have the same legal protections and responsibilities — the same spurs to stability, however flawed — that heterosexual parents do. And that exact logic was cited by a previously reluctant Republican in the Maryland House who voted in favor of the state’s same-sex marriage bill last week.

Both politicians were talking about family values, two words that have often been invoked in the argument against same-sex marriage. It’s time to turn the phrase around. What gay and lesbian couples are asking is to be recognized as families. And they’re just idealistic enough to hope that everyone realizes how much value there is in that.

I invite you to visit my blog, follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/frankbruni and join me on Facebook.

— 2 years ago with 2 notes
#lgbt  #lesbian  #gay  #marriage  #wedding  #marriage equality  #tradition  #values  #gop  #republican  #democrat  #conservative  #liberal  #same-sex marriage  #gay marriage  #gay wedding  #family  #marriage equality  #frank bruni  #op-ed  #news  #opinion 
LGBT Resources - Definition of Terms
— 2 years ago with 511 notes
#ally  #asexual  #bias  #biphobia  #bisexuality  #coming out  #discrimination  #domestic partner  #dominant culture  #family  #family of choice  #ftm  #gay  #gender  #genderism  #gender conformity  #gender identity  #gender-neutral  #gender non-conforming  #gender variant  #gender queer  #genderqueer  #gender role  #hate crite  #heterosexuality  #heterosexism  #heterosexual privelege  #homphobia  #homosexuality  #institutional oppresion 
Graphic Anti-Abortion Ads To Air During Superbowl →

And they refused to show a “pro-gay” ad last year? Are you serious? Love between gay people is more family friendly than bloody fetuses? 

— 2 years ago with 7 notes
#superbowl  #football  #sports  #news  #women  #feminism  #family  #children  #abortion  #ad  #advertising  #trigger warning 

A Song for My Brother by Scott Christopher Murray

When I dream
If I dream
I dream of you
And if I close my eyes
I see your face
I look for you around every corner
Sometimes I believe you’re just one breath away
You may be gone
But your memory is here to stay

In quiet moments
I hear your voice
And I swear
You whisper my name
I feel your hand upon my shoulder
I turn around it’s like you’ve walked away
You may be gone
But your memory is here to stay

Everything about this house
Every picture, every plan
Every street in this old town
Every part of who I am
Is you 

You would have saved me
From getting lost
You shine so bright
How could I stray
But now I am stumbling in the darkness
I turn to you to light my way
You may be gone
But your memory is here to stay

Everything about this house
Every picture, every plan
Every street in this old town
Every part of who I am
Is you

I will learn how
To see the sun
I will let go
Of things I cannot change
I know I will always see you here
I know I will always feel this way
You may be gone
You may be gone
You may be gone
But your memory is here to stay

— 2 years ago with 5 notes
#acoustic  #aids  #artist  #awareness  #beauty  #brother  #concert  #death  #family  #grammy  #grammy nominated  #live  #live music  #local  #local artist  #loss  #love  #lyrics  #memory  #music  #scm  #scott christopher murray  #scott murray  #singer  #singer  #song  #songwriter  #lyrics  #scott murray  #scott murray lyrics 
remembering you

sunday morning pancakes
flip flop on the griddle
coffee bubble boil pour cup
steam over the newspaper rising
as he sips sips
you’re at the stove flip flip
slide onto the plate
spread melting golden butter
drizzle sweet dark maple syrup
brother asks him for the sports
you laugh when he tries to read them upside down
you help him sound out the headlines
i can see the picture of some stranger’s slam dunk
i can hear papa sip his coffee black no sugar no cream
and your whispering s-l-a-m in brother’s ear
the pancakes are right in front of me
where you just set them
but when i look up for you
already gone

— 2 years ago with 18 notes
#poetry  #remember  #family  #pancakes  #breakfast  #poem  #writing  #write  #writer